Cherish

There are days when I remind myself: this is what I'm here for, this is why I do it. I get to play with my son, have fun with him, be patient with him and instruct him (or at least try). I get to love him unconditionally and watch as he figures things out, gets excited by things and frustrated, I get to watch him be sneaky and hide around corners. This is why we had him... to be present with him and enjoy (or at least experience) the moments as they come.

When Z was just a few weeks old

As I mentioned in my last post, I'm off on Spring Break. The combination of that and my daycare provider being sick has thrown upon me the opportunity to hang out more with my son. I was looking forward to that during my two weeks off anyways, though I must admit that I originally intended to send him to daycare for part of the first week so I could get some projects done. But, life throws little bumps, including, for him, a double ear infection. Poor little bean. He's definitely been wanting me more, so it's good that I haven't had to work. Today, we went to Canadian Tire to pick up a few things, and it basically turned into a session of follow the adventurous toddler around, and try not to lose the shorty. Honesty, my arms were so tired from carrying the not-so-light little guy, that I didn't really mind. We found a bin of inflated balls, and task transformed into chase-around-the-balls he kept dropping (he did most of the chasing). It wasn't that taxing... he was really just playing, and not running, and he was having so much fun. And in the process, his attention was fixed (so he wouldn't take off) and I was able to scope out most of the store! I managed to sneak the balls back to the bin before we left. We picked up one of these for Z. I think it'll be a great addition to our yard as the weather gets better.

The moments, they slip by one by one. I chose to be in them as often as I can, because I know they are precious. I'm really hoping I will remember them, because I don't always record them... choosing just to enjoy them instead. When he kisses us (or the phone, or his bear), when he dances a jig in one place to music, when he sports his playful "angry" face and I do it back and we touch foreheads. I just love him so much.

Coming out of hibernation

The sun is out, and I am on day one of a two weeks Spring Break. Hallelujah! Yesterday, some of the staff and I went out for lunch, and as a fellow teacher and I walked from the school to the pub (yes, a pub is the best place to go, because you're guaranteed NOT to run into any students, as long as they're diligently checking IDs) we both breathed a sigh of relief and instantly felt lighter at the thought of not teaching for two weeks straight. I took some marking home with me. I may or may not get to it... we'll see how the time goes. I'm not setting it up as an actual task on my to-do list because I don't want it hanging over my head. Marking is always hanging over your head when you're a teacher... it's like homework that never goes away.

Instead, I've made a little list of appointments and trips already planned (we're going to Vancouver for a friend's wedding - sans baby!), so I can see where my time lies (I think it's "lies" and not "lays" because "time" is not a direct object... please correct me if I'm wrong). As for the rest of my time, I have visions of spending extra time with my little one, organizing around the house, maybe some gardening, and hanging out with friends. Because one of our weekends will be spent away, I'm planning on leaving our other weekend free so that we can have some unadulterated family time. I'm really looking forward to having some playdates with friends and their kiddies. Having a little one means you can only plan so much for a day, and it's hard to fit it all in on a weekend when you're working the rest of the week and you need to get laundry, meal-planning, grocery shopping and general tidy-up to happen. I'm looking forward to not being so rushed for these next two weeks, and I'm planning on keeping that in mind as I set up my expectations.

Keep on Truckin

I haven't added to this blog in a while, and there has been good reason. A lot has happened in the past two months. The most major occurrence was a student of mine passing away. He was struck by a truck as he crossed the street, was in the hospital for a few days, and then passed away. He was young, and vibrant; very impulsive (what 13 year old isn't). Two of his brothers (including his twin brother) are in my classes as well. It was a very sad experience, one that left me and the school with a lot to deal with, and a lot that we're all still dealing with. I had occasions where I considered expressing myself about it on this blog, but it just didn't seem right at the time. My first student to pass away. Horrible milestone.

Our little family is doing well though. The picture above is of me and my son, out for a walk with my momma. I recently bought him a Muddy Buddy suit, or as I like to call it, the baby hazmat suit. Best $37 I ever spent! It rains a lot here on the West Coast. I mean, that's pretty much the substance of our winter, though we usually get a few snowy days in every year. Even when it's not raining, the ground it still wet. And, like any other 15 month old, even though Z is fairly good on his feet, he still tumbles or intentionally sits in the wet grass or mud from time to time. This way, I don't even have to worry about it! Plus, he looks super cute in it! Z is a very adventurous and curious toddler. I still like to refer to him as my baby, but he's pretty much entered into the realm of toddler-hood now. No longer can I plop him down on the front lawn and still run back inside to grab a forgotten item. The little dude books it fast, and usually for the road. He doesn't quite understand "stop" yet (or maybe he does, but chooses to ignore). We're working on getting him to hold hands when we're close to traffic. Like everything, it's a process!

I am so excited that it is almost December. For one, I love Christmas, it means time with family (especially a certain brother who lives out of town), and time off from work to relax at home and spend time with my hubby and son. It means Christmas songs long ago memorized, twinkly lights, and rich foods. I am so excited about it this year with Z being 16 months old instead of 4 months old. Only three more weeks of school before Christmas break!

Oh crap, I better get knitting. Oh, and I'm planning on sewing up some stockings this year!

Parapraxes (Freudian slip)

Oh-ho-ho...

So, I just started this new job two weeks ago. It's a doozy, teaching at an alternative high school where the majority of the student body don't work well in a traditional school setting. I'm finding myself teaching students that would normally be kicked out of my classroom, and having to manage their behavior and their abilities in a more flexible manner. Every day I walk the fine line of balance, trying to help motivate students and work with them where they are, while still trying to maintain (or establish) a respectful working environment in the classroom. It is trying. I come home mentally and emotionally exhausted every day. For the past two weeks I've focused on building relationships with my students, learning the ropes of what I do through trial and error (no training here!), and documenting, documenting, documenting! Because of the nature of the work that we do, everything needs to be documented for communication purposes, legal purposes, and in case we get audited in regards to our funding. It is crazy.

Needless to say, I have not done a whole lot of marking since my contract began two Tuesdays ago. I teach the self-paced math class. Normally math is not that bad for marking - students check their answers for homework assignments, I mark those for completion, as well as quizzes and tests. But the way the class is currently set up (and because I'm coming in partway through the school year, I'm keeping it as it is, at least for now), workbooks have been photocopied for students, and when a student has completed a package they hand it in and I am the one to check all of the work. Considering I have 5 different courses running, and students working within the same course are at different places, my marking load is very broad. Anyone who is a teacher knows that this is a huge time suck. For those of you who have never marked anything, I'll give you this one key point: it is far more efficient to mark 50 papers of the same assignment by marking page 1 all at once, and then page 2, etc, than it is to mark separate assignments in their entirety. As the marker, you start to form what is an acceptable answer, what you will give part marks for, and you're able to mark with consistency and be very quick. I look at my pile of marking and all I can think is, this is going to take me two whole days :P And, by a whole day I mean 8 hours of uninterrupted marking.

So, on Friday afternoon I got all my marking piled into one container. I placed on top my special colourful marking pens (hey, you got to make it enjoyable somehow) and my marking guide binders. Then I got my things together and left with only my lunch kit. The realization that I left behind my marking didn't hit me until 930pm that night, and I don't have after hours access to the school yet. Can we say Freudian slip?

Oh, and I left my knitting at my parents this afternoon. I think this evening I'll bake some muffins and cast on a new project. Goodness knows once tomorrow comes I'll be using any spare time to chip away at that marking!

Grocery Fun!

Little Z is getting bigger and bigger and has now entered into a whole new stage: the Toddle Stage. He is walking, more than ever, tottering around with his hands waving to help keep him steady. He is oh so very cute, as all who spend time with him will attest. But, with this new stage has come the standard headstrong will. Now when we go grocery shopping, he does not want to sit in the cart (there's no action there!). No, he wants to walk, securely between mom and the grocery cart, pushing the cart around with such strength for such a little guy. We literally walk laps around the grocery store, me grabbing items from the shelves as we pace by, trying to keep him from running us into other patrons. Every once in a while when I need us to stop, I lodge him into a corner, which he has quickly adapted to by pulling the cart back and turning it a bit and then pushing again... repeat until that works! The alternative is me lodging my foot under the cart wheel so it can't go anywhere, which results in Z pushing with all his might (think practically horizontal baby) and crying out in frustration. Part of me thinks that he sees pushing the cart as his very important job in our grocery shopping endeavor. Unfortunately, he just doesn't know when to stop, and things always go south when we reach the check out line and the time for pushing has come to an end. Then, I'm stuck juggling pulling items out of the cart, while making sure Z doesn't shove the cart into the person in front of us, or while holding a squirming, very unhappy little boy. Yup, checkout cannot go fast enough. We may have reached the stage where little Z will have to stay home with one parent while the other shops... at least until he's old enough to run down the isle to fetch items for me - another adventure I'm sure. I must say though, it is pretty cute seeing him put all that effort into pushing the cart. So much gumption for such a little person!

Goodness, gracious!

Yes, that is all I can think to say. It has been QUITE the week! Last week marked my first one back to work after maternity leave, and Z's first week at daycare. Our little boy fared very well adjusting to daycare. He was quite tired the first day, came home with puffy eyes after only an hour's nap, but has progressively slept more and more and is now having a standard 2+hr nap (though was pretty much forced to drop the morning nap). For what it's worth, we're still keeping the morning nap at home during the weekends, and he seems okay with that!

Hubby and I are finding our groove, working together to get ourselves and the little one ready in the morning so that we can be out the door on time. I do find that I'm more consistently early for work than I have ever been, entirely because I drop Z off at daycare by a particular time. I've given myself over to focusing on making dinner and just hanging out and playing with the little guy until he's ready to go to bed. I'm coming to terms with not doing a great job at prepping and sometimes paying the consequence for it the next day. But, you know what? That's what happens when you get hired the day before you start teaching and you have absolutely no time before hand to prepare! I still find myself working 2-3 hours a night sometimes, marking and prepping, but even that I'm trying to balance. Today, I took up a teacher on an offer to just use his math notes for two of my classes instead of creating my own from scratch. I won't even know if I get to keep the job I'm covering until the postings are filled next week. Such is the life of a teacher.

me and my little guy at the Saanich Fair

My mind has been on my pension a lot lately. I know it sounds ridiculous to be thinking about such a thing when I'm not even 30 (soon!!), but there are so many implications with my profession to my pension; many of them I still need to figure out. I just don't want to find out I'm supremely screwed when I retire. First, my year off on maternity leave (for which I didn't even get top-up - bah!), I believe I need to pay into that year to make sure it isn't missed. Sure makes a case for not having too many kids! Second, every part-time contract I get only partially contributes to my pension, at least that's my understanding. Considering full time contracts are very hard to come by, even continuing contracts (when they become available) are usually part time. How in the heck do I go about figuring out where I'll be when I want to retire?

I've been driving my husband mental with these questions! I've promised him I'll hold off on freaking out with the need for answers until Christmas, when we have a bit of down time to look into things. It definitely makes me wonder though, how do all the momma's who stay home with their little ones manage when they get old? Hope that they stay with their husbands so there's that additional income to live off of? I've always thought that as a teacher I would love to only work part-time while my kiddies (plural one day) are little, have the flexibility to focus some of my efforts and energy on our home life. But, how much of an effect would this have on my security when I'm old? Hope I'm not freaking to many people out with my questions... I wonder if the google search count on pension related questions will go up!

On a much more pleasing note, I made spaghetti sauce tonight, and I used fresh tomatoes from my garden! The romas are especially prolific.

September 1st

The day of new beginnings.

I know for most New Year's Day is the day of new beginnings, the day for reflections, resolutions, for starting over, but for me these feelings have always come in the fall, with the start of September (I know, I know, not technically the fall yet). My birthday is in the fall (the reason my mother believes I love the season, whereas she loves the summer months in which her birthday falls). I love the fall; the smells of decay, of leaves starting to turn, a slight crispness to the air, autumnal harvest, the start of the school year. It is a time of renewal, of work starting again.

These feelings are only strengthened this year with my maternity leave coming to an end and Z about to have his own little beginning with his first day of daycare around the corner. I think about many things: about how he'll do transitioning, how I'll do, how he'll sleep and eat, but most of all I think about the new little friends he's going to make, hanging out with each other every day. I'm kind of excited for him.

Another new beginning: little Z took his first steps the other day. I haven't managed to catch him doing it on camera yet - he's still very shaky on his feet and isn't doing it too frequently yet, and he also has the tendency of lunging for the camera the moment it comes out. He and I have been going for walks every morning. I put his little shoes on his feet, carry him out to the road, then place him on his feet and hold his little hand and off we go! He tottles and I dutifully hold his hand, lightly when he gets a spurt of stability and firmly when he wobbles. This morning he was waving at his shadow... so cute!

I feel it my civic duty to plug the Saanich Fair, Western Canada's oldest fair! This year marks their 145th year... they're older than the country! I go every year with my father (except last year, when I had Z), and it's a great way to get out and experience the agriculture that makes up the lower Island. Go check it out!